Story: Less is More

[nsfwords]

This was inspired by a prompt from Sara on FB and fills the “The Friendzone Is My Safe Place” and "Gossip" squares in my 2-1-17 card for the Valentines Bingo challenge. This piece is 384 words and I'm wishing my character luck with his frustrating neighbor!

Content notice: foul language.

Less is More

“Stop taking flowers out of my garden to woo people who don’t even treat you right,” yelled Jake Ellis from 334-C. I’d stopped by his stoop to pick a few of the irises that grew there in abundance and that I knew Jake himself used as gifts for girls he dated.

“Uhm…what?” I fumblingly replied, completely taken aback by his abrupt appearance. I wasn’t expecting him to bully open his sliding glass door and hop out onto his patio just a few feet from me as I stopped to pick a few blooms on my way to Maddie’s place.

“Don’t take that bitch anymore of my flowers man! She’s not giving you any, so I don’t think you should be going out of your way for her anymore. Pick ‘em for someone who isn’t going to stick you straight into the friendzone.” Jake looked livid and motioned with his hands for me to throw the flowers down.

“Wha…how would you know about whether or not I’m getting any anything?” I demand.

“Dan told me he asked her out about a week ago and she said she’d like that. So he asked what about you and freakin’ Maddie tells him you’re just good friends. That’s girl for friendzoned and you deserve more bro, you’ve been workin’ on that for months now!” Jake sounded sincerely outraged on my behalf. His fingers flew into air quotes around nearly every other phrase.

I took a long step back and a deep breath in, bracing myself to explain yet again what was and wasn’t happening with me and Maddie Shelley. I’d already suffered through this conversation with my mother, my best friend Eric, my next best friend Jon and his current girlfriend, my interfaith pastor, and now, apparently, I’d get the utter joy of attempting to explain everything once more to womanizing Jake Ellis from 334-C on his patio stoop while he stood there in just his Budweiser boxers and judged my life.

Friendship with Maddie was more rewarding and less stress than all of my prior girlfriends combined and if I just didn’t count the asshats who were more worried about whether or not my penis had made her acquaintance yet than whether or not I might be genuinely happy then things felt perfect just as they were.

Comments

[stardreamer]

His pastor?!!! That is SO out of line!

I think I'd start with "Why do you think I'm only interested in Maddie for sex?" and play it by ear from there.

[nsfwords]

Thank you so very much for taking the time to comment!

I agree - he has faced a lot of pressure from unexpected and yes, inappropriate, places.

I imagine the conversations with his mother and pastor started as well meaning congratulations on what they wrongfully assumed was a new romantic relationship, but that's where they went so astray - assuming something about what was between the character and Maddie just because of societal expectation of what two young opposite sex people spending time together is "supposed" to mean.

The character is frustrated, and indignant, and having to justify a friendship over and over is wearing him thin.

I kind of wish he'd just flip Jake off, pick one more flower, and peace out. I know that wouldn't solve much, but it'd be briefly satisfying to see him decide enough was enough and stop trying to explain something that isn't anyone else's business.

[stardreamer]

I hang out in an online support group for people with dysfunctional families (similar to Captain Awkward, but a smaller group that grew out of a large blog community), and apparently my brain decided to look at this the way I'd look at someone in that group recounting such an encounter.

There are several approaches to defusing something like this; the one for Jake starts with that particular question because that is the underlying assumption in his lecture. For a parent or pastor, I'd be more likely to go with, "This is a really inappropriate conversation for us to be having. My sex life is none of your business." For well-meaning friends, variations (more or less polite depending) on "that's my business, and if I need advice I'll ask for it" or "guys, I really don't need an intervention" would be the preferred starting point.

If someone is being pushy about it, then you move to Behavioral Conditioning 101: tell them once that the topic is off limits; if they don't respect that, then hang up/leave and don't see or talk to them again for at least 3 days (a week is better), lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually either they'll figure out that if they want your company they have to respect your boundaries, or it becomes obvious that they care more about being able to lecture you than they do about you, at which point you have your own decision to make.

[nsfwords]

I don't know if this character's family is dysfunctional in that way, but I sure know mine was!

A bunch of my writing is going to end up tinged with crud as I use the process to work through much of my own past trauma and abuse.

Thank you for your suggestions on how to handle these types of situations! I had an opportunity to practice the boundary setting over the holidays with my in-laws. It was terrifying to attempt, but actually worked, and it was such a relief to have someone actually respect a limit once I'd set it, rather than stomping all over them and telling me I was selfish for trying to protect myself.

Also, sorry if this reply is way TMI. I'm a 1st Class Oversharer. *Abashed*